Re-wiring your subconscious mind for a happier life

Mar 19

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I often go for long walks; it allows me to spend some time with myself, practice mindfulness and introspect. During one such recent stroll, while I was passing through a lane, I saw a few children playing cricket on a make-shift pitch with a wooden plank that looked like a substitute for bat. I stopped for a few moments; to watch them play and noticed that these children were completely engrossed in their game, enjoying their match using what we could call a mere substitute of a bat, stump, and a pitch. As I continued my walk, I couldn’t help thinking about the happy, content faces of the children I passed by. I realized, once again, that it is easy to find happiness, and yet most of us struggle to remain happy. You would have noticed that children mostly remain happy but unfortunately same is not true for most adults. It means, by nature, we like being happy and can find happiness without much effort, but somewhere this effortless happiness gets lost as we traverse through life. The question arises, why this happens and what we can do to fix this?

As we grow in life; embrace the responsibilities of adulthood, we all go through some unpleasant experiences, this is part of life, and one simply cannot escape from it. As per various researches, negative events impact us more than positive events; this is known as negative bias. Bad memories, events, and experiences linger in our minds for a longer period; they sway our behavior and decisions to a large extent. Since we tend to carry the burden of such experiences longer, it continues to unconsciously influence us. We start enlarging our problems and viewing them as more complex than they are. This not only hampers our overall well-being but also creates self-doubts, and lowers our confidence. So, what we can do about this? How do we break away from the negative thoughts and build a happier life for ourselves?

The human mind is amazingly flexible, and with some practice, it can adopt new patterns, habits, and preferences. One reason why happiness eludes us is that we tend to pawn our happiness in the future. We have been conditioned to think that happiness depends on external factors and is event-driven; we all must have heard sentences like ‘you will be happy when you get a job/a promotion’ or ‘you will be happy once you settle down.’ We have learned that we will be happy once we reach a certain milestone, but the truth is that such event-driven happiness is of fleeting nature. If we want lasting happiness, then the source of our happiness must be internal; we must be at peace with ourselves and be happy from within. We must understand that postponing happiness to a future date is just a trap, instead, we must learn to appreciate the ongoing moment. Once you learn to appreciate the present and find joy in the moment, you will start experiencing an unparalleled sense of peace and liberation.

Another reason that hampers our happiness is our tendency to worry about the future or continue being troubled by the past. Most adults struggle to accept the unpleasant events of the past; however, irrespective of your philosophical views in life, you cannot refute the fact that nothing can change your past. Dwelling in the past is no good; you must accept and come to terms with your past, draw the lessons and move on. Similarly, many of us tend to remain anxious about the future and view our problems as more complex than they are. First and foremost, we must train ourselves to accept that worrying about the future is futile; the future is not ours to see and worry about. The only way to ensure a good future is to focus our energy on the present and work hard today; the story of our lives will unfold as we traverse through it.

Now coming to the problems, we need to have more faith in our problem-solving skills and be confident about our abilities to tackle challenging situations in life. Always remember there is no obstacle big enough that you cannot overcome with your determination, hard work, and willpower. Whenever life corners you, view it as an opportunity to learn something new and become a stronger version of yourself. Once you condition your mind to see challenges as opportunities you will witness a 180-degree shift in your perspective.

The last thing that one must do is celebrate wins, big or small, enjoy the good days and be grateful for them. Since we know that our mind registers negative experiences with greater intensity than positive ones, it is important to absorb the positive experiences, savor them and enjoy them thoroughly. Don’t wait for big wins; recognize your small successes and celebrate them.

To sum it up, the key to your happiness lies with you, and you need not seek it outside. Train yourself to find happiness in your routine life, be grateful for everything good, stay focused. Your life is unique; make the most of it, enjoy your journey with your loved ones; this is what life is all about.